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1) No spell is as easy as it looks.

2) If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a spell
can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly
develop.

3) Every spell performed to solve a problem will breed new problems.

4) Mother Nature is sometimes a bitch.

5) Anything that can go wrong will go wrong; and anything that cannot
possibly go wrong will also go wrong.

6) The Craft as understood by Witches, will be judged otherwise by
non-witches.
a) If you explain a situation so clearly that nobody can
misunderstand, the news media will.
b) If, during an interview, you explain 99 good things about the
Craft and tell one bad joke, guess what will make the headlines!

7) No matter what the result of a spell, there will always be someone
eager to:
a) misinterpret it,
b) fake it, and
c) believe that it happened as a result of his own work.

8) Once a Ritual is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes
it worse.

9) In case of doubt, attack another Witch.

10) The Coven is a mule, not a car...if pressed too hard, it will kick
and turn on its High Priest.

11) 90% of anything is crap.
a) When dealing with the occult, make that 95%.
b) When dealing with religion, make that 98%.

12) Everyone has a favorite ritual or spell that will not work.

13) As soon as you mention something...
if it's good, it goes away.
if it's bad it happens.

14) If a spell requires 'n' materials, then immediately before
beginning, you will discover that you only possess 'n-1' materials.

15) In any formula, it will be discovered that the required amounts
have been forgotten.

16) No books are lost by lending except those you particularly want to
keep.

17) If you miss an issue of a newsletter, it will be the issue that
concludes the article or ritual that you are most anxious to read.

18) No matter what goes wrong, it is always the High Priest's fault.

19) When your familiar has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.

20) A toothache always starts the afternoon of an important Ritual.
Usually after your dentist closes; unless he overdoes the Novocain.

21) If a ritual is useful, enjoyable and works, it will have to be
changed.

22) If you drop your Athame during a rite, you will discover that you
are no longer able to move your right foot.

23) In any outdoor Sabbat, performed skyclad, the Circle will be drawn
around a patch of poison ivy.

24) In Any Sabbat performed robed, the person behind you will step
upon your hem, thus leaving you skyclad during a dance.

25) When all else fails, consult your Book of Shadows.

26) If the facts do not support your pet theory, they must be changed
or ignored.

27) In any Coven, each member tends to rise to his level of incompetence.

28) The organization of any Coven is very much like a septic tank, the
really big chunks always rise to the top.

29) Expansion of the Coven means complexity, and complexity decays.

30) The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications
between different Covens is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.

31) Any teaching that can be misunderstood has already been
misunderstood. Often by your own teacher.

32) 20% of the Coveners account for 80% of the work.

33) Witches and Covens will act rationally only when all other
possibilities have been exhausted.

34) A witch in power always takes himself too seriously.

35) It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without
end.

36) A Witch will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the
time he will pick himself up and continue on.

37) The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it's stranger
than we can imagine.

38) When the going gets tough, everyone leaves the Coven.

39) In order for something or someone to become clean, something else
must become dirty.

40) You can all become dirty without anything else becoming clean.

41) The other coven works better.
a) If you change Covens, the one that you just left will begin to
advance faster than the one that you are now in.

42) The closer that you are to the basis of a news article, the more
obvious are the errors in the news coverage of the situation.
a) Newspapers rarely admit their own mistakes.
b) If they do, it will be at the bottom of page 49.
c) Witches in the public eye, therefore, need a warped sense of
humor.

43) The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the letter and
mail the article.

44) For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

45) Some Witches work by the book, even though they don't know who
wrote the book or even what book.

46) Don't let the Elders know that you are better than they are,
otherwise you will never become an Elder.

47) The High Priestess who attempts to inspire the Coven with her
knowledge of intricate details has lost sight of the final objective.
a) The High Priest who ignores those same details in an effort to
reach the objective will end up someplace else.

48) For every vision of the Goddess, there is an equal or opposite
vision that negates your own vision.

49) The Covener that you trained at great expense is the first person
to leave the Coven; and usually he does so just when you need him the
most.

50) If you are early to a Sabbat, it will be cancelled.
a) If you are on time, it will be late.
b) If you are late, it will have started early.

51) The cream rises to the top of a Coven; so does the scum.

52) The more complicated and grandiose the ritual, the greater the
chance that it will fail.

53) The more carefully you plan a ritual, the more you will resist
admitting that it failed.

54) When explaining a facet of magick or religion, an easily
understood and workable falsehood is more useful than a complicated
and incomprehensible truth.

55) Anyone who makes a significant contribution to the Craft, and
stays in the Craft long enough, will become an obstruction to its
progress in direct proportion to the importance of the original
contribution.

56) Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

57) If you teach a lazy witch the proper and safe way to draw a
Circle, he will state that it isn't necessary to do it that way and
toss out 90% of the ritual.
a) When this lazy witch gets into trouble due to his ignoring the
facts, he will imagine that his failures are caused by another's curse.

58) The best and most effective rituals occur when you are home with
the flu.

59) You always hear about the need for a ritual or spell after that
need ends.

60) One hour before your first skyclad Sabbat, you will develop a
large and unsightly pimple upon your left breast.

61) In any Coven your sense of humor will be inversely proportional to
your position.

62) Any difference between two Witches can be resolved by one witch
(usually the one that is wrong) attacking the validity or tradition of
the other.

63) A Witch who invents his own tradition will always claim descent
from a Medieval Witch who no one ever heard of.
a) Eventually that Witch will claim to be a member of your own
Tradition, only for a longer time than you, thus they have the 'right'
to access ALL of your Craft materials.
b) That same Witch will eventually ask you to Elevate them to the
Third Degree even though they have no idea of what your Tradition is
nor will they have any desire to train in it and earn the Elevation.